Trilogy Week #51 - A Crappy Christmas

Everyone has their favorite Christmas movies, and their least favorite Christmas movies. And since I'm not going to torture myself with ABC Family type movies, like "Christmas with the Kranks" or some other forgettable Christmas shlock, I decided to torture my self with some crappy cult classics. Since this is the first week of December, lets get'em out of the way!

Title: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Year: 1964

Director: Nicholas Webster

Cast: John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Beck, Bill McCutcheon, Victor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Chris Month, Pia Zadora

Rated: G

Running Time: 1hr. 26mins.

My Review: This is simply unbearable. I watched this with a commentary track making fun of the film while it played, and it was still hard to watch. Horrible acting, horrible writing, horrible costumes...I have a headache. 1 out 10 Whammo air blasters.

Title: Ernest Saves Christmas

Year: 1988

Director: John R. Cherry III

Cast: Jim Varney, Douglas Seale, Oliver Clark, Noelle Parker, Gailard Sartain, Bill Byrge, Billie Bird

Rated: PG

Running Time: 1hr. 31mins.

My Review: I've grown up with this movie since I was kid, when your a dumb kid, Ernest is hilarious  Now as an adult, he can still give me a chuckle every now and then. But most of the time, I'm just red face with embarrassment.  Ernest shtick has not gotten well with age, in fact is now surprise that after this movie, that every other one went straight to video. The only memorable thing that I took out of the movie besides Jim Varney's chewing of the scenery  is Douglas Seale's version of Santa. Everything else is forgettable. 3 out of 10  knowwhatImean?'s 

Title: Jingle all the Way

Year: 1996

Director: Brian Levant

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Rita Wilson, Jake Lloyd

Rated: PG

Running Time: 1hr. 25mins.

My Review: As surprising as it sounds, this is the best out of the three. A very recognizable holiday phenomenon that we all know to well happens around the Christmas holidays. I'm surprised there's not more movies about present grabbing. Phil Hartman is hilarious as always, Arnold has his moments, and Sinbad is ... uh Sinbad. A very unrealistic portrail of trying to get the last popular toy before there all gone plot, but still fun to watch. 5 out of 10  Turbo Man doll's (or as Arnold would say, Teurbomaun!)